Feeling, Pain and Death
by JaMeSgRiFfItHs101
Summary: Just a story I felt like writing when I was bored. Fang learns the meaning of pain and feeling when a death occurs. That was a lame summary but just read it and make me feel better about the summary!


**A/N: I don't know what the deal with this is. I was just really bored. Tell me if you think its any good. Everything belongs to James Patterson.**

I was numb. Completely unfeeling. Was this natural? I felt so empty. I felt...locked up, in a way. Locked up with no purpose.

After living at the school so long, I knew better than anyone the meaning of 'locked up.' I knew I was free but I was uncertain of what the unnatural sensation was that was gripping my body.

I knelt down, besides her. Why? Why Max? She was so strong.

I fingered her blonde hair. Ths was my fault. I should have been there to help her. I could have saved her.

Why didn't I have feeling about this? Max was dead! I had to feel something. Maybe this sense of numbness is true pain.

This feeling of being trapped must be worse than physical pain, at least you know you willl escape it eventually, either by living or dying. But what about this? Trapped within yourself. I hated being trapped.

Although I thought I would never admit it, being trapped was my fear. I feared not being able to help.

My eyes lingered on Max's face and then to the bullet hole in her chest.

A sense of anger surged through my body. I hated them. The school. They had done this to her. To the flock. To me.

They had taken her from me. The only person I knew really understood me. She was the leader. She knew what it meant to be afraid but to be forced to show no fear.

Even though I concealed my fears, my emotions from Max, she could always tell exactly what I was feeling.

My anger died down and I broke down. I was crying. So weak. How could I break down? I hadn't cried in years, I'd had to be strong for the flock. For Max!

But what did it matter anymore? How could I stay strong? Max was gone.

I let a tear linger on my cheek. I thought back to when we'd gone to school---real school.

I remembered Max's anger when I met Lissa. I'd felt bad. Truly I had.

But Max was the type of girl who had to get even. Had she been able to tell how displeased I was when she and Sam had their date? I'd tried so hard not to blow up at her and beg her to come back to me. I'd wanted to prove how much more I loved her than Sam what'shisname ever could.

I thought of Max II. She was a horrible impostor of Max. No one could be a Max. Max was the only Max. Max II was too helpful. But the real Max always had more important things to worry about than doing Nudge's hair or making meals for us?

Then, there was when we'd separated the flock. It was stupd. But I thought she wanted Ari over me. Ari—the kid who had tried ot kill me quitea few times. I couldn't stand how easily she accepted him after he helped us once.

I sort of blown up on her there.

I glanced up to her face with my tearstained face.

"Hey, Max," I said. Through my sadness, I felt I was forced to speak. Everything just started pouring out. I had no control.

"So...I've been thinking. Wow. Me, thinking. Weird, huh?"

Silence. I guess I knew what it was like trying to talk to me.

"I've just been thining...you know, how much I've loved having you around.I guess I'm going to have to take over now. The thing is...I don't know if I can handle the flock on my own. Sure, I handled Iggy and the Gasman but what about the girls? I don't anything about handlng them."

I waited for a reply. Of course, there was none.

"What if I get someone else hurt? What if someone sees me like this? Crying...weak..."

A gust of wind seemd to be my only answer.

"I know what your thinking. Crying isn't weak. Emotions just mean your human, right?

I wish I'd been able to give you more. I mean between Sam and...everything else we didn't get much time to ourselves."

I couldn't cry anymore. The sense of unfeeling was back. Maybe that was real weakness. Maybe my weakness was trying to let nothing show. My weakness was never letting anyone in.

Max had known it. She'd tried to get me to open up. I had. To her.

She'd always wanted us to be the best we could.

"Thanks, Max," I told her.

No reply. The reality hit me. There would be no reply. Never again.

I began to cry again. Max. My Max...was gone. At least cring was something. It was not just emptiness. It was feeling. I didn't try to cover it up.

**A/N: Was it amazing??? Yeah. I don't know myself...it's pretty random. Just reply and tell me what you think!**


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